Memories... Like Mom Made!

Memories... Like Mom Made!
Out of dark moments, flowers grow.

Sunday, August 28, 2011

Rainbow Baby: 9 weeks

Thursday I was officially 9 weeks pregnant, though according to the ultrasounds I was 9 weeks on Tuesday.

Here are the updates:

Weight: 166 pounds
Waist (at belly button): 34.5”
Hips: 43”
Bust: 38”
Total Weight Gain: -7 pounds so far
Baby’s Heart Rate: Stays around the 160s
Number of times I get up in the night to pee: about 1-2

Thoughts about growth: I can’t believe I am ALREADY SHOWING! Seriously! I already have a little belly pooch! I didn’t show with Landon until about 6-7 months (though I would push my stomach out all the time because I wanted to look pregnant SO badly!). And with Leila I did not get too big before I had her…. I would say I started showing around 4 months with Leila… I am 9 weeks. NINE weeks…. And I have already had significant growth in the belly area, and my bust and hips are feeling the growth too. I am really not too worried about weight gain though, since I have already lost 7 pounds. I know the inches are going to shift and change and my body is going to do its thing, I am just surprised that it is already happening!!!!

How I am feeling emotionally: Still a big bag of tears. I cry at EVERYTHING. I cried at a commercial the other day… It wasn’t even sad. It was that Target commercial with the adorable teacher and the hamsters… Yeah. I cried at THAT. I have no clue why. I guess I miss my kids and my class at the CDC… but who knows… I cried because I wanted sushi and left the commissary without buying it, then I cried because I was crying over something stupid… I cried because my son peed in the potty and I was so proud of him, but then I felt so bad because Donovan isn’t here to witness him be such a big boy. I cried into my dinner because I wanted to eat it so badly and couldn’t. Then when I finally was able to take a bite, I cried because it was cold. I cried because I was afraid my mom was getting irritated with me calling all the time and crying to her (though she is VERY sweet about my 5+ calls a day. Hi, Mom!!! Thanks!). I cried because sad things happened to people I don’t know back home (but I always cry when things like that happen… I can’t watch the news without bawling…). The irritability has toned down a LOT and the weepy emotions have turned WAY up.

Today marks 7 months since Leila passed away. Normally I would spend the whole day in my PJs, sobbing and stuffing my face… But I am starting to do better with all of the grieving related stuff. I miss her so much, but I kind of feel like she is with me. I just have to remind myself that this baby is growing inside of me for a reason. If Leila had been healthy and full term we probably wouldn’t have this baby now. So I need to just take it one day at a time and remember that God has a plan.

I did have a particularly rough day a couple of days ago though. I was watching Four Weddings and Say Yes to the Dress, which always make me cry, and it hit me: I will never get to do those things with Leila. I will never get to help her pick out her dress and fix her veil and wipe her tears as she gets ready to give half her heart and the rest of her life to one man… I never even thought about those things before. I thought about all of the baby and child related events I would miss, but I never thought about her adult life… It breaks my heart, but I just keep reminding myself that she is still with me through it all.

How I am feeling physically: Exhausted. I am beyond exhausted. I am sick as a dog and can’t keep anything down. For the past 24 hours I haven’t been able to eat anything and keep it down. I have even been throwing up water. I have a chicken pot pie in the oven and I hope I am able to eat it! I get to the point where I am so exhausted and weak from throwing up that I can barely lift my head up. But even with all of this, I am not upset about it. It’s kind of comforting to have these symptoms. It means my baby is growing and thriving. I welcome each and every symptom that gets me one step closer to meeting my Rainbow Baby.

Cravings: I crave EVERYTHING. One minute it’s chocolate cake with rich decadent frosting by the spoonful, the next it’s figs filled with caramel or goat cheese, asiago stuff olives deep fried to a golden brown, jalapeno poppers and buffalo wings… I had an overwhelming craving for dates the other day and called my Nana for her famous date bar recipe… I can’t wait to make them and eat the whole pan! The only problem is, with all of these cravings, actually EATING is the hard part…

Activity: As per doctor’s orders I have stopped my daily walks with Landon. I really miss our walks and the fun that we have on them, but the doctor just feels that too much unnecessary activity isn’t worth it in my position. And I am not about to ignore any warnings he throws my way. I am still pretty active throughout the day though. It’s unavoidable with a hyperactive toddler. I still do normal things like go grocery shopping and running errands, and that obviously involves walking, so I am not exactly laying on the couch waving my hand around for a servant to do everything for me. And every day, at least once, Landon and I push the coffee table out of the middle of the floor and dance like crazy to some loud music. It’s our favorite part of the day! With Donovan deployed, I am forced to be pretty self-sufficient: taking care of Landon and the house and my business while still keeping the baby’s health in mind… So yeah, activity is as low as it can be while still living normally. I do realize that I am going to have to be on strict bed rest after the surgery, so I am going to start preparing for that soon: making casseroles to freeze and trying to get ahead on orders for my business…

Doctor’s Appointments: My most recent one went very well. I got to meet my new doctor: the one that will be performing my surgery. I really like him and his views a lot. He seems to feel the same way I do about this pregnancy and the upcoming surgery. I will be seeing him again next week and from then we will be scheduling my surgery. The biggest goal of the next appointment is to make sure that all of the old blood has absorbed or passed. I had some more bleeding recently so hopefully all of it has passed. If it doesn’t pass on its own, I won’t be able to have the surgery. I haven’t really considered that as a possibility yet. After what we went through with Leila, I can’t accept the idea of continuing this pregnancy without the cerclage. Hopefully everything proceeds without incident. I know I will be much more calm after the surgery.
Oh! Another update: I have the same thyroid issue I had with Landon. My thyroid isn’t producing enough so I have to be on medication to help it produce enough for me and the baby. It’s pretty common so it’s not that big of a concern. I just have to go in every now and then for them to monitor my levels and make sure I have a high enough dosage of the medicine. Other than that, I am not taking any medication. Just my thyroid medication and the prenatal. I don’t do nausea medication because it never helped before, so I just don’t see the point in taking an extra pill if it’s not necessary to the baby’s health. I can handle the nausea, even though it sucks.

Boy or Girl: Last week I was convinced it was a boy. Absolutely convinced. My pregnancy this time has reminded me a lot of Landon’s. But then all of a sudden I started having girl feelings… And last night I had this really weird feeling wash over me and something in my head was screaming “It’s a girl!”… So who knows? I have a feeling, either way, I will be completely surprised! I am just so excited to meet this little person growing inside of me.

There is the bump photo. And YES, Landon is trying to stick my charger in his ear.

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