Thursday, March 17, 2011
Lately I have been so focused on my own pain from losing my daughter that I have forgotten how lucky I really am.
I have a beautiful healthy son who is alive.
Sure, my heart aches every day over the loss of Leila, and sure my pain will probably never go away.
But my son is healthy, and happy, and loving.
And he's here.
About 3 weeks after Leila died a friend sent me a link to this blog. At first I just read the blog and cried for this couple.
I felt their pain. So deeply. Our daughters passed away in different ways, but the pain is still so raw, so intense, so...
I have prayed for the words to take away their pain, just as others have tried to comfort my husband and me. The words have never presented themselves, because they don't exist.
But this woman... She is incredible.
She has exhibited this kind of strength that I only wish I could possess. She has thrown herself into her new role in life with as much positivity as anyone could possibly face it with. She hurts everyday, but she somehow manages to push through the sadness and find the beauty in the world.
Today they asked that everyone that reads their blog take their own children out into the sunshine and play with them, while telling them about Maddie.
Yesterday, we released two balloons in to the sky for our own baby. She would have been two months old.
I didn't realize until today, but there was one for our Leila, and one for Maddie. I like to think the Leila would have shared.
It was rainy and windy and the world felt as sad as I did in my heart. But today, we laughed and played in the sunshine for Maddie, and it felt like she was smiling on us from Heaven.
Landon may only be 2, but he is wise beyond his years. I told him that Leila has a friend in Heaven named Maddie. He nodded and said "babies." I said "Yes, babies. They are playing together." Landon said "Babies night night".
Leila and Maddie are together, playing in Heaven. I truly believe that. My daughter is not alone in her eternal resting place, and I am not alone on earth. It breaks my heart that other women, like Kellie, have had to experience this pain, but her strength reminds me that I am not the only one, and that I have to push forward.
Thank you, Kellie, for reminding me of that. I will continue to pray for your peace, and every day I will kiss my beautiful son and thank God for allowing me to have one healthy baby, even if He had to claim the other.