I apologize for my sudden and unexplained absence. I assure you, I am alive and well... but boy oh boy do I have a lot to tell you.
Let's see where I left off: I had just had surgery and was about to have my follow up appointment. At that follow up appointment I intended to talk to my doctor about potentially moving 2000 miles to a home where I would have more help with Landon and therefore be better able to follow my bed rest orders.
I asked my doctor how he felt about this, and he was all for it... With a catch: if I was going to move, I had to do it within a week. Waiting any longer would be dangerous for me and the baby because as the baby grows, more pressure is being placed on the cervix, which is exactly what we are trying to prevent.
So I went home, called my family, booked a flight and within a week I was waking up in Missouri to beautiful crisp fall mornings full of all the gorgeous colors associated with Midwestern falls.
Being home has had it's ups and downs for sure. The number one thing I love about being home is that my son is getting precious time with his extended family. He is developing an amazing relationship with his grandparents and great grandparents and he has been benefiting from that relationship in so many ways. He is learning how to better express his wants and needs to other people, he is learning how to be courteous and think of others' feelings, and he is learning our family's ways and traditions that have been so important to me all of my life. It has been a beautiful experience.
Is it stressful suddenly being back home and helpless? You betchya... but it is what I have to do to protect my growing baby, so that is what I am going to do!
Ok so now on to the pregnancy stats...
Thoughts about growth: AMAZING! I have had many ultra sounds throughout this pregnancy and all have made it clear that this baby is HUGE. Cupcake is growing rapidly and is officially measuring 12 days ahead of my due date. This is an amazing thing for us, since he/she will most likely be early: those extra 12 days will benefit baby SO much! It is possible that I was mistaken when we conceived Cupcake.. though I charted my days and am pretty sure I know exactly when Cupcake was conceived.... Oh did I mention that I had the anatomy scan already and that I know the gender of Cupcake?... Well I do. And you will very soon. But I am making a special post for that. So patience my pets... patience.
How I am feeling emotionally: Helpless and in control simultaneously. Yup. It's a crazy paradox of feelings. Here's the deal: I feel like I have absolutely no control over my own life right now. I can't do anything that I "should" be able to do. I am supposed to lay around all day taking it easy and letting other people do things for me. That is VERY very hard. But I do the best I can. And then I have those days where I am on my feet way too many times getting things for myself or for Landon and I break down crying because I know that I am over doing it and I get scared that I am endangering Cupcake... And the in control part? This is the part I am proud of. I have been seeing an amazing team of doctors who have been working hand in hand with me to make decisions about how my pregnancy should go. After careful deliberation and research we decided that I will be on progesterone shots to try and prevent early labor, and I have been having frequent cervical checks to make sure Cupcake is okay and that my cervix is performing its job. I have also been very on top of questions and any type of inconsistency that concerns me. I have not bit my tongue once with this pregnancy, like I did with Leila's pregnancy. I speak my mind no matter how ridiculous, and I am so proud of myself for it. I feel like I am doing absolutely every thing I can to give this baby the absolute best opportunity for a healthy life. I get to meet the NICU doctors that will be taking care of Cupcake if he/she arrives prior to 34 weeks (which is very very likely) and tour the NICU next week. I have a list of questions a mile long. I can't tell you how wonderful it is to feel prepared in a situation that often times is absolutely impossible to prepare for. Yes there are still a lot of scary realities and uncertainties if Cupcake is as early as the doctors think he/she may be, HOWEVER, by doing constant research on up to date micro preemie treatments and meeting Cupcakes doctors, etc, it makes me feel like it won't be as scary as it was before.
How I am feeling physically: Exhausted. I did not get that "second wind" that people associate with the 2nd trimester. I wake up tired, and go to bed plain exhausted. I have had days where I am so tired I can't even lift my head up. I am not getting good sleep, and my muscles are sore and weak from constant bed rest.
Fetal movement: Lots and lots and lots of it. This baby is an ACTIVE little Cupcake. Constant kicking and flipping and jumping around. Right now Cupcake is kicking in rhythm with my typing... (okay so not really THAT rapid... but you get the idea). And Cupcake LOVES music. Any time I play music Cupcake dances like you wouldn't believe. I can't help but smile. This is such an amazing feeling.
Cravings: Not as much as I was before... It's more random and triggered by suggestion. The other night we went to McAllister's and suddenly I was craving a french dip sandwich covered in au jus... mmmm. (There was a picture on the menu... enough said). I see a commercial or hear a favorite menu item or restaurant name and suddenly that's what I crave... Oh and cereal with milk. Been craving that a lot. But honestly nothing as random or specific as I was in the beginning
What makes me want to hurl: Not as much!!!!!! Before it was like, every other thing... Now it is pretty much still hot lettuce (like on a warm sandwich... EWWWW) Other than that, nothing really bothers me. It's been almost a month since I threw up from being nauseous. My morning sickness is basically gone. This is the first time I have ever been without morning sickness in a pregnancy. It's incredible.
Oh wait. I just remembered, I threw up on the way to my anatomy scan on the 26th of October. That was horrible. But that was the last time. ;) Progress is progress!
Activity: Not much. Seriously. Just laying around. Getting up to pee. Occasionally I get to "go" somewhere, but I use a wheel chair and do not do any walking. Believe it or not, doing "nothing" is exhausting!
Doctor's appointments: I go once a week for my shot and they check the baby's heart and weigh me and ask how I am doing, and then every other week I have an ultra sound and a full appointment. I am now officially in the care of my specialist and have met a few of the OBs who may be delivering the baby.
Boy or Girl:.... Wouldn't you like to know?... Ha! ;)